How did this plan get hatched? Well, there were many reasons we both wanted to make a change at this time, but I think the idea is best summed up by a small interaction we had some months ago. In a bout of fear and overwhelment--over what I don't remember, maybe work, trying to earn a living, childhood issues I can't altogether shake, fear of living in a world ruled by the monsters of banks and corporations--I said, like a little girl, "I think I should just run away." And Larry said, "If you run away, you have to take me with you."
Of course, I know there's no running away from our histories or most of the pressures of the world, but I began to consider what might happen if I lived in faith, stopped living in fear, started to disentangle myself from a daily routine. Don't get me wrong, I love my life in San Francisco. And I had a great routine in Merced, where I lived and worked for the past five years, as well. I've been blessed with many friends, purposeful work, great fellowship, and many invigorating creative projects. This new project, the project of running away, is really a project of running towards--running towards greater closeness in my relationship with Larry, running back to see old family and friends, running deep (through the winter in Wisconsin) into a memoir writing project that will force me to look at the childhood issues that still trouble me, and running towards small farms and food production initiatives across the country that I will visit as my alter-ego, Sweetie Pie--a baker who teaches science to children through cooking demonstrations. There's so much land in this land, so many people I miss, and so many more depths to explore, and I hope unhooking from the dailiness of my world will help me find a fuller sense of me.